Sunshine and Honey

What's the old adage? You can attract more bees with honey?  Or the story about the sun and the wind fighting over who was strongest? The wind blows and howls, trying to remove the coat from an unfortunate passer-by; whereupon the sun simply shines more brightly (and warmly) and the pedestrian quickly removes the coat herself.  The bottom line is that--and it's tough to prove until you try it--you get better results with kindness, appreciation and a soft word.

We had a situation at work where, for the second year in a row, our Systemwide membership in an organization was jeopardized because the payment we had sent through the State was held because this organization supposedly owed taxes.  The law says that the organization has to recognize our payment as having been made and renew our membership.  Hundreds of people at campuses around the System rely on this membership to pursue their professional training, obtain materials and reference guides at reduced rates, etc. Last year they cancelled our membership before were able to resolve the issue and we spent months repairing the damage.  Well, I wasn't about to go through that again.  So I wrote sternly-worded letters to the organization, citing Maryland law, and demanding they respond.  Nothing.  I wrote again and left phone messages.  Again, nothing.  We even discussed legal action.

Then I decided to write a brief, personal note to the only individual I knew by name at the organization--someone who I had heard (indirectly) had been helpful in the past.  I thanked her for her assistance last year, noted that we were again in the same situation, and as nicely as I could, asked her to please help resolve the problem for us this year.  (There may even have been a tone of desperation, though that was actually quite sincere on my part.  I just wanted this resolved.)

Two days later, I got a note and an apology for her delay in getting back to me.  Apparently, last year's problem (and likely this year's problem as well) resulted from a miscommunication between the State and this organization.  They weren't at fault, so the organization felt no obligation to step in.  Thus all my legal demands--not matter how accurate--did nothing.  But the individual within the organization, when approached with a friendly request (and the word "please") felt a desire to help.  And, as of a few moments ago, we were on our way to renewing our membership.

So honey or sunshine, it always works best.  It's something my wife always reminded me when I start to sound a little too authoritarian with the kids. But it's true. People respond best to kindness, a personal approach, and when made to feel like you care.  I know I do. Now I just have to remember to try that approach first.